Friday, February 22, 2013

End of an era

The stars dark clouds have been aligning in such a way, that I have no other options but to finally, resign from my job. And I'm going to be a stay at home mom, or to put it bluntly, a housewife. This is not something that I thought I will do at this stage, but seeing how things are and due to my mounting frustrations, I think the best option is to take care of the kids on my own, and not to depend on others.

Frankly, I'm a bit worried about stepping into this new role. Now one of the biggest change will be that I no longer have my own income! This is definitely something i'm not used to.  I have worked since 2001, and stopped asking my parents for money upon my graduation. Even when I was still college, i worked in various part time jobs, from a banquet waitress, to a tuition teacher, a cafe waitress and an administrative assistant. Now..I will have no money aside from the ones given by DH and my current savings (which i rather not touch).  No more random shopping sprees and random, impulsive, purchases. And everything is so expensive nowadays especially anything related to children. Eeeks. Now that I'm reflecting on my past part time jobs, I can't believe i was paid a measly RM10 for a few hours work at a wedding banquet. RM10!!!!. Gosh, you can't even buy a cup of starbucks with RM10. Well, to be fair, that was in 1997 but still! I can't believe I was happy with it.  Maybe because I was working together with   a couple of friends so it didn't really felt like work.

Anyway..back to my story. Secondly, i'm not really a housewife material. I can clean (though i hate ironing i can never get the clothes to be wrinkle free!!), and sort of cook up decent meals for the kids and DH, but i have the tendency to be all depressed etc if I cooped up myself at home 24/7. I might go mad with the kids screaming at me all the time! I love them  of course, but i definitely need more external simulation so this leads me to search for freelance jobs. I now might have a possible 2 to 3 freelance jobs in the pipeline which will give me a fixed income each month so I guess that will help me to have some income and a window to the outside world. Hohoho. But can I work with the kids around? Ok..too much to think about at this point.As it is, I'm already very overwhelmed by all the changes coming my way.   I'll cross the bridge when i come to it.

On the other hand, I'm also looking forward to spend more time with the kids. For the past few years, I'm too tired to play with them after work because I still got to do some chores when i get home. As a result, I'm sometimes a bit cranky with them. Kesian la. Want to play with mummy but mummy is cranky and too exhausted. But now I will have time. So, this, is a good change too.

We'll see how it goes. Ganbatte! \ 0 /








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